


Don't leave me to drown.

by Chandler



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cause he is, Comforting Sam, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sam feels like a jerk, Season 9/episode 13, Suicidal Dean, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-14
Updated: 2016-08-14
Packaged: 2018-07-24 05:10:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7495119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chandler/pseuds/Chandler
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Sam tells him in the kitchen that if the roles were reversed and Dean was the one dying Sam wouldn't have done anything. Dean realizes that he really is alone, Sam really doesn't care, and it's to much for Dean to handle.<br/>Will Sam get to him in time and will be be able to bring Dean back to him?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't leave me to drown.

**Author's Note:**

> Alright so as I was watching this episode I was thinking, "Why is such a fucking dick! Why would he say that! Family is all Dean has!" Then I paused and realized that I shouldn't be surprised since he didn't even look for Dean in purgatory, but then it hit me and I thought, "What if Dean wasn't that surprised either, what if he was trying to keep the thought away though? Deny the truth that Sam didn't need or care for him anymore?!? Poor Dean!!!!!"  
> Then I figured, "If Dean had felt so bad and tried to do something dumb Sam would feel like shit.....(GASP)"  
> Thus I ran to find a pen and paper and here is the result.....season 9 is a bitch man.

Sam walked into the kitchen, “I’m hitting it.”

 

Dean nodded, “Yah, hey.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“About what you said the other day.”

 

“I thought you said it didn’t bother you.”

 

“You know, Sam. I saved your hide back there. And I saved your hide at that church. And the hospital.

I may not think things all the way through. Okay, but what I do, I do because it’s the right thing. I’d do it again.”

 

“And that… is the problem. You think you’re my savior, my brother, the hero. You swoop in and even when you mess up you think what you’re doing is worth it. Because you’ve convinced yourself you’re doing more good than bad.

But you’re not.

I mean, Kevin’s dead. Crowley’s in the wind. We’re no closer to beating this angel thing. Please tell me; what is the upside to me being alive?”

 

“Are you kidding me? You and me fighting the good fight together.”

 

Sam scoffed and sat down, “Okay. Just once, be honest with me; you didn’t save me for me. You did it for you.”

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

“I was ready to die, I was ready. I should have died. But you didn’t want to be alone. And that’s what all this boils down to. You can’t stand the thought of being alone.”

 

Dean shook his head, “Alright.”

 

“I’ll give you this much; you are certainly willing to do the sacrificing…as long as you’re not the one being hurt.”

 

“Alright, you want to be honest?

If the situation were reversed and I was dying, you’d do the same thing.”

 

“No Dean, I wouldn’t. Same circumstances, I wouldn’t.

I’m gonna get to bed.”

 

Dean watched numbly as Sam left the kitchen. Dean knows he shouldn’t be this surprised, Sam didn’t even look for him in purgatory, why would he care now?

Dean wasn’t worth loving, he was a fuck up, he got in everyone’s way, he was selfish, he was weak.

Why the fuck would Sam love him?

No one could love him.

Why was Dean even here?

No one needed him, no one wanted him.

 

Sam certainly didn’t, “ _Damn it, quit forcing yourself on Sam. Sam hates you._ ”

 

Dean sniffed and grabbed one on the knives in the kitchen then ran to his room. He closed the door quietly and locked it.

 

“ _Might as well write a note that’s what I’m supposed to do anyway. Don’t want to screw up more than I already have._ ”

 

Dean looked around for a piece of paper and a pencil then wrote his note and set it on his pillow. Dean nodded to himself then made his way to the bathroom,

 

“I’m so sorry, so sorry.” He sobbed out.

 

Dean made six identical cuts horizontally on each arm.

 

He’ll feel more pain this way, “ _And I deserve every second of it._ ”

 

Dean sobbed quietly to himself, “goodbye.”

 

Sam tossed and turned on his bed for a good thirty minutes before he sat up. Something was wrong, he just didn’t know what, he sighed and got up to check around the bunker. And for some odd reason he found himself in front of Dean’s room.

Sam sighed and tried to open the door, he frowned when the door was locked.

Dean doesn’t lock his door,

 

“Dean?”

 

Sam felt panic rise when there was no reply,

 

“Dean!”

 

Sam kicked the door until it fell down, “Dean!”

 

Sam rushed in and noticed the note on Dean’s pillow, a chill went up his spine as he slowly walked towards the note and picked it up,

 

“ _I’m so sorry, Sammy. I’m so, so, so, so sorry._

_It’ll be over soon though, promise. I’ll leave you alone forever. I’ve failed you so many times, I won’t this time. I promise. Since you won’t find this till morning I can say I love you Sammy, with all my heart. And that I’m in the bathroom, no need to keep a dead body in the bunker.”_

Sam burst into the bathroom, “Dean!”

 

Sam stopped cold at the sight of Dean in a pool of his own blood, Sam ran to Dean and grabbed his arms,

 

“Oh Dean, why do you always think you need to suffer.”

 

Sam looked at Dean, “Hey Dean, Dean? No, no, no, no, no, no, DEAN!

Cas! Castiel! Dean-he-CAS!”

 

“Sam what’s wrong?” Cas asked as he appeared suddenly.

 

When Cas saw Dean he pushed Sam aside and closed the wounds, “They will scar.”

 

When Cas looked at Sam with his glowing eyes Sam swallowed hard,

 

“Fix this Sam Winchester, or I swear on my father you will _never_ see Dean _again_ ”

 

Cas disappeared and Sam blinked and looked at his older brother.

 

“Oh Dean.”

 

He cleaned up the floor then picked Dean up and moved him into Sam’s bathroom.

He turned on the water and filled up the tub with warm water then stripped Dean and set him inside the tub. He scrubbed Dean clean, taking care around his new scars.

 

Dean slowly came to, “ammy? S’ goin on?”

 

“Sh.”

 

Dean took in his surroundings as Sam washed his leg,

 

“Whoa, Sam what’re you doing?”

 

Sam unplugged the tub then picked Dean up and sat him on the counter before he began to dry him off,

 

“Sammy-”

 

“Hush De.”

 

When Dean was dry Sam picked him back up bridal style then set him on his bed. Sam grabbed a pair of his sweats, a t-shirt, and a hoodie then began to dress Dean.

 

“Sam! Stop I’m a grown ass man-”

 

“Dean, enough.”

 

Dean got quiet until he was dressed, “Why are you doing this Sam?” he asked softly.

 

“You’re mine De, you’re my world, I love you.

And you will never do something like this _again_ ”

 

“But you said-”

 

“I know what I said De.” Sam sighed, “I’m pissed about what you did De but you’re not leaving me, not like this.”

 

Dean nodded and looked down, “Okay Sammy, I’ll leave tomorrow.”

 

Sam felt an overwhelming sense of anger and guilt and something, possessive.

 

“You’re not leaving me at all Dean.”

 

Dean frowned confused, “But-”

 

Sam growled and before he knew what was happening his lips were on Dean’s in a bruising kiss.

There was nothing soft either, it was all dominance and Dean whimpered and let Sam take control.

When Sam finally broke the kiss they were both breathless,

 

“You’re mine De.”

 

Dean nodded, “I’m sorry Sammy.”

 

Sam nodded, “I know you are De, I know.”

 

This time the kiss was gentler and was about showing Dean he was loved.

Dean opened his mouth granting Sam’s tongue entrance.

Reluctantly Sam pulled back and rested his forehead against Dean’s,

 

“Don’t ever try to do this again.”

 

Dean nodded, Sam kissed his head then climbed into bed, pulling Dean down with him.

Dean molded perfectly against Sam and clutched tightly at his shirt. Sam kissed the top of his head again and held him tighter,

 

“Go to sleep De.”

 

Dean nodded, “Night Sammy.”

 

“Night De.”

 

Dean was out quickly both mentally and physically exhausted.

Sam sighed, it would take a while to fix things but they’d do it together.

Dean was his, no matter what.

 

“No matter what De.”

 

Sam closed his eyes and let sleep take him.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back my beauties!!!!! Love you all!
> 
> Sorry for grammar and spelling but let's face it, it's not as bad as it used to be. XP
> 
> Comments and kudos appreciated; I love all you new people as well as my recurring readers. You all mean the world to me.  
> <3 XD


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